Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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