I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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