They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
