Apparently you make a good broom.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
