She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
