"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
