last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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