My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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