that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
