I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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