You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
