The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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