Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Terrible idea I love it
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
