Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
