I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
