Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
