Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
