Non-Jews are for practice
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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