hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
