Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
