please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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