i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
