God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
