He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
