I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
