Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
