We won't sleep together?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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