doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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