Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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