just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
