I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
