We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
