Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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