youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
