the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
