I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
