And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
