hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
