just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
