So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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