just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
