at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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