I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
