so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My ATM looks so different sober.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
