My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
