Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
