I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
