ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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