You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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