I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
