She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
