If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
