I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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