i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
